Boom. Boom. Boom. 

That's the sound of my doldrums a callin'. 

Okay, yeah, that was corny I know, but I'm not feeling the best today. Just called my school and despite changing to a cheaper room for next semester I'm still looking at a rather large overdraft that will have to be covered with a loan. I have no co-signers, no credit history, nothing that any loan company would consider giving me money for. 

I just don't feel good. 

I want to go back to this school, I do, but only for the experience that it has given me, not because I'm extremely in love with the city or made a bunch of new friends. I just have this dark, gross, disgusting feeling that If I quit right now and come back home I'll never leave. I'm so afraid of losing sight of what I want to do in life--it's scaring the living hell out of me. I see my future: I'm a twenty something still at home with Mom, a little overweight, sad, depressed, not a friend of companion to my name, and filling my boring days that aren't occupied with my droll 9-5 job with Netflix and too much Pepsi. I'm anxious, nervous, and I've sorta failed at life. My mom is sympathetic, but nothing can change the fact that I was the one bird she had that never left the nest. 

I'm being melodramatic, I'm being truthful, I'm really scared to death of what's in store for me. 

My brother old me I'm my own worst enemy and I believe he's right. I may be able to defeat the debt but I don't know how to defeat the her that is me. She's too powerful, she has my heart and mind, doubt is her Excalibur. 

"Don't let me get me."