Bec 1-1
Victoria,
Right...well, this is weird. I mean...not weird but I'm just not use to doing stuff like this. I know it might be corny (in fact, I'm more certain you'll never see this because I'm not entirely sure I want to send it to you) but I had to write you--the old fashioned way.
These past few weeks without you have been hard. I'm surrounded by people and they all want the same thing from me--guidance. Everyone expects me to have all the answers to any problem that arise and I can't for one second hesitate and make them think I'm doubtful. I have to maintain control and it kills me. I know I sound like a pussy saying this but sometimes all I want to do is get out of here and go back to the way things use to be. Of course, then I remember everything again: my mother passed out all day from being drunk; her in our crappy-ass apartment with all those roaches crawling over everything; working five jobs from noon to morning of the next day and still only earning minimum wage. When it gets tough all of these things come rushing back to me and I know I can't fail. I have too much riding on me, my mom depending on me to stay in the military and make things better for us.
Even still, doubt plagues my mind continuously and sometimes I stay up all night just wishing everyone would go away, stop expecting me to lead them, and leave me the hell alone. Sorry babe, I know it sounds like I'm whining but you know you're the only person who will put up with me when I'm like this. You're always the one person I can depend on to deal with my bitching.
God, do I miss you. I think about you every night. You're the only beautiful image I have to cling onto because out here in space there's nothing but endless plains of blackness and metal and machines. I miss how your long brown legs cling tightly around my waist, the way your wide chocolate colored eyes bright up when you smile and laugh. Vicki (sorry, I know you hate me calling you that but you know it's hard not too) I love you so much. I just hope you know that. I love with all my heart and soul and I promise I'll show you that I'm the kind of man who can take care and protect you when I finally get out of here and get back down to earth. I promise I'll show your father that I'm a good man who will love you forever and never hurt you. Just remember that, baby: that I love you and that I'm doing this for you too.
Anyway, I've got twenty minutes to report to CC so I better get going. Sweet dreams, babe.
Bec
Okay...so, not the most compelling thing ever but I had to post it just because I said I would. I don't know...I'm just trying to get more proactive here. You gotta deal with it.
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